How I’m Doing Things In Poetry I’d Never Imagine Myself Doing

You probably have seen this as my new flier at the top of the page. I took a dare and submitted myself to be a teacher in the upcoming WAN Academy. I remember the founder of Write About Now Poetry telling me that they needed a class on how I write so many poems in a day. I am currently at over 200 poems for the year of 2022.

Now, with this said, I do take days off writing. Sometimes, my brain isn’t cooperative. I’ve been writing more short stories and essays than I have done for years. Short story writing activates a different brain than poetry. All my start of lines and such get thrown out the window. I am making a story, talking in my head, doing it as if someone is right in front of me and I’m having a conversation with them.

It’s great, but if I do something like chapters for a Novel, or short stories, I lose my ability for poetry. It may still be there, but it’s less prevalent. I’m activating a different side, the conversations and story building I’m having while I’m on a walk versus an image of a flower becoming a metaphor for depression of how some flowers flourish in winter.

My brain likes connections. It connects everything in life. I am that person who bounces between twenty different things and to me they are all connected. While I’m flourishing with this, I might lose someone who it’s like hey, let’s keep this linear?

When I made this workshop I decided to share some of the things with how I can make three poems out of one. I never really thought I’d be teaching not just with my home base of WAN, but with Guerilla Poets which is a North Carolina non-profit organization that uses poetry and art to heal.

Everything I’ve done this year is because I’ve stopped saying is this good enough and I’ve told myself, yes, it is.

I’m also here to tell you that if you call yourself a writer, or a poet, then you are. There is no gatekeeping here. There is no amount of writing in a week that makes you become a writer or poet. I believe poetry is in us all. All we gotta do is access it and believe in our words to tell stories that our a part of our legacy. We need to never lose our ability to story tell. This is how my great grandma still lives in me is her amazing stories she’d tell me. I will never forget the joy she had telling them. I will never forget the everlasting love she had for her daughter, my grandma, in these stories.

And now I get to tell them in my language, my voice, to keep them living beyond me.

Trigger Finger Suicide

JANUARY 6TH, 2021 POST

Topic For Today? Trigger Finger Suicide. What is the bullet on your tongue? What is the trigger you finger in your head?

Welcome to updates about me day by day! (ish) I never like to keep communication too consistent but since this is my author site, figure you guys getting a look in my brain is good?

I wrote a poem that unloaded some deep trauma I’ve never talked about.

It’s weird how it ticked 2021 and all this stuff wanted to get unloaded.

It’s called “Trigger Finger Suicide” so the title itself gives you a good idea of the mental space. Molestation, suicide survival, assault inside of it and some experiences I’m just starting to go back to and unload poetically.

One of the things I enjoy the most about poetry is I get to speak through metaphors real, life experiences that I’ve never shared. Then, people don’t ask me what happened. Because honestly? Lots of times I would shutdown if you asked me what spurred it. It’s in the poem and I don’t like to go into the details, the details are in the poem.

I live with trauma daily. Trying to pick apart living on eggshells being broken by my mere steps forward. So, that trauma can be accessed through poems but when I explain them it’s like I’ve already conquered the situations. But, I haven’t. Just because I’ve written something thousands of times doesn’t mean it gets smaller each time it’s written.

Sometimes, and most of the time, it gets bigger. And it looks like it might crush me by revisiting it. But, I know, if I can help with explaining it and my experiences, it’s worth it.